When I was in the second grade, my school held a dance in the gym during the school day. To attend the dance, you had to bring in a signed permission slip from your parents. From what I remember, every kid in the school attended the dance except for two little girls. And, one of them was me!
Because my classroom was located on the wing closest to the gym and because my kind teacher felt sorry for us, she allowed us to sit outside of the classroom on the sidewalk and listen to the music faintly streaming from the cracked door of the gym. My classmate and I didn't speak, just sat, wondered, and tried to convince ourselves that it didn't matter what was going on inside of those walls because we didn't want to be in there anyway.
I think back to that day sometimes. That day didn't change my life, but it did define it. I'm always on the outside listening in.
About six months ago, I decided to start a blog - a blog about food which includes my original recipes, recipes from my favorite cookbooks, as well as some cookbook reviews. It has been a rewarding and frustrating experience much like that of motherhood.
Talking and writing about food is my comfort zone and receiving positive feedback from people out there who are reading my blog is part of the reward. I have "met" some wonderful folks through this process. If someone would have told me a year ago that I would have a working connection with Gooseberry Patch which has been part of my kitchen for six years now and would have over a hundred people following my posts, I wouldn't have believed them! I've been blessed!
What is frustrating about blogging, about putting yourself out there? Oh, if only I could connect!
"Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer." -E.M. Forster from Howard's End.
Connecting with other people...isn't that one of the basic needs of all humans? The hardest part of blogging for me is networking, the connecting so to speak. I'm just fine writing my blog but, for my blog to grow, I have to "network". Visiting other sites is inspiring and I do enjoy reading other people's blogs. But, there are times when I leave a comment that I can almost hear crickets in the background. The other blogs seem so established with their long list of followers and cliques. They've built communities and, as a shy soul, I've been too timid to assert myself among them. But, still, I try...to connect.
So, I return to the solace of my little blog and curl up inside of it finding that cozy nook that I crave so much. I'm writing about my food and making my own music. And, I'm so grateful that some of you have chosen to come in and dance with me.